Hipsters have a special way of ruining everything that they come into contact with. Once something has become part of the hipster community they lay claim to its entirety and you’re judged solely upon whether or not you partake in it. Nothing is exempt from their condemning touch, including something as simple as craft beer.
Yes, that’s right folks we’re going to tackle craft beer today and I’d like to kick it off with a little story that happened at a bar while I was traveling. This was the tipping point; the point that I finally realized craft beer doesn’t belong to the normies anymore.
I was with a group of friends who all wanted to go to a bar off the beaten path, which should have been the indicator we were headed to hipster city. Drink orders were being taken by what I can only describe as the stereotypical hipster with dreads to his ass, tunnels big enough to put your fist through and loads of terrible tattoos. Everyone among my party ended up ordering some sort of craft beer, but I wasn’t quite feeling it that day. I ordered a Bud Light and heard an under-the-breath scoff from the waiter which I disregarded. The Lord of Hipsters returned and passed out the craft beers first then tried to get a rise from everyone with, “…and a Bud Light, what a loser”. Whether he was joking or not, it exemplifies the point that in a hipster’s mind if you’re having anything other than their now coveted craft beer you’re some sort of plebian who should be looked down upon.
I’m not an inexperienced craft beer drinker which makes the loss of craft beer to the hipster community just a little worse. I used to work with a few people who shared a common interest in craft beer with me. My boss and another one of my coworkers would buy a 6 pack every week and trade each other so that we’d get to sample some of each. I used to look forward to every Friday when we could do our trade and I would have new beer to try for the weekend. We tried to pick up others to make it a six way trade. As it turned out, a lot of people didn’t like craft beer and that was okay, we understood not everyone likes it. That’s the difference between how normal people and hipsters perceive things. Hipsters turn things like craft beer into litmus test to determine how “cool” you are.
Home brewing is another piece of a bigger picture as well. In my college years as well as even somewhat recently, I broke into home brewing. I’ve always enjoyed experiencing new things and reaping the rewards of hard work invested. Home brewing was no exception. It’s exciting to start putting everything together and really see how beer is made. It’s one of those things that makes you wonder, “How the fuck did anyone figure out how to do this in the first place?” I’ve come to somewhat of a halt with it because frankly, I’m not very good at it and my beer always comes out tasting a bit funky. On the other hand hipsters have adopted this and have tried to make it more artsy than it needs to be. It’s developed a similar culture to wine tasting, in which the community involved is almost completely insufferable. No, I don’t taste the oaky undertone or the Nitrogen from the soil and no, I don’t need the gluten free alternative.
My final point is the ridiculousness of it all. Finding a funny or interesting name/brand was kind of part of the fun of finding a new craft beer to trade every week. I find that the names of new beers are becoming increasingly insane to the point that they’re basically a parody of what they were. It’s the difference between a comedy director that knows what they’re doing and a spoof director that throws shit at the wall just to see what’ll stick. Hipsters have put craft beer on such a high pedestal that it really doesn’t matter if they call it Moose Urine, it’s going to sell.
So the next time you hear an edgy hipster ordering the Decaying Blood of Vampire Unicorns, look your server in the eye and say “I’ll have me a Bobby Light”.